Two weeks ago I stumbled across and article about a young family who found out their unborn child was terminally ill and would not survive. They were given the excruciating task of deciding whether to abort at 6 months or go to full term knowing that he wouldn't survive. They decided to preserve the precious life they had been gifted and he was born, and survived only 5 hours.
It was the most heart wrenching, beautiful, intimate, courageous documentary that I have ever watched! If you want to see two incredible young parents, grab your tissues and put 45 minutes of your life aside to walk into a world of hope, sadness and love.
I made a decision last Easter that changed my life. A year earlier I left a relationship that destroyed my confidence in my ability, stole my passion, made me feel mute and that my opinion was always to be questioned. A relationship where I couldn't move furniture without being yelled at, couldn't be 5 minutes late responding to a text, or talk to other men. I never thought that I, a warm, loving and open person would allow someone to take my being....but it happened.
As I sat and watched this mother give birth to her baby boy and watched her hold him as he passed away my heart broke. I hadn't cried so hard in years. My heart broke for her them. My heart felt full of wonder as all her (and her husband's) immediate family were there to hold Raja and celebrate his little life and honor him with a birthday cake and a kiss goodbye.
The nurses and social workers had spoken of the importance of creating as many memories as possible. To bathe their baby boy, to change his clothes, to take photos of him with mum and dad and to seal his clothing in a bag to retain his smell. I watched as all the family were picking up their cameras and taking photos of this little baby who had passed away and how they looked at him with so much love. Of course they were sad, but they were embracing the short time they had. I felt a rush of something strange rush over me and I cried from my belly.
A light went off inside me. I had to help these families.
I called a local support group for parents who had lost their babies at full term, or prematurely. I didn't know what to say when the lady answered the phone. I hadn't rehearsed anything that I was going to say but asked if the had any photographers who took photos for the families. She said they had one lady who did it "professionally". I can understand that photographers need to make money, but I want to do this on a voluntary basis. The lady who answered the phone was amazing. She was excited, I was excited - I felt AMAZING.
She will be calling me soon, I will be going to support groups to get involved in the community and will be taking a new direction with my art. I love the celebration of life, children and families....but we all must die and that needs to be honored and recognized too. I am nervous but ready to take this step...I cannot imagine how hard it must be to lose a child. Up until very recent times parents weren't encouraged to talk about their babies, or to spend time with them, they were simply whipped away to the morgue and prepared for the funeral. Thank goodness we have learnt that we need to open our hearts to pain and that its important to treasure what precious time is given.
I am ready to give a little.....
